我想精髓應該是擁有選擇的自由。 但最近覺得好無助，感覺真的是在不毛地帶。 和小時候不一樣的是，小時候可能追個劇就能馬上分心甚至找到生活的重心。現在根本沒這樣的出口。 腦子都是些不入流的想法，毫無控制地。 我應該要至少可以選擇進入腦中的念頭，但即時如此還是會很被現實的環境影響呀。 我覺得很難過。 我覺得很難過。 我覺得很難過。
Month: June 2022
the unhappiest day of my life
today might as well be the unhappiest day of my life. have tried too hard to please, to be correct, to be nice.... to no avail. what can I say. Maybe this is the unhappiest day of your life as well.
Choice
I think what I've really taken to my heart is the simple fact that everyone has a choice. When someone doesn’t respond to you or hasn’t sought you out, well, yes, all the peripheral reasons could hold true: they are busy, they have something else to work on, there is an unresolved core issue in… Continue reading Choice
Things I’m waiting for
Just to keep track of what I've been witing for. invitation to dinner (80% won't happen) announcement of job offer by 9 August (30% chance) road accident judgment next week, so that I can confirm my summer duties my stomachache to heal (it's been five days)
junky
It is possible to detach yourself from most pain--injury to teeth, eyes, and genitals present special difficulties--so that the pain is experienced as neutral excitation. From junk sickness there seems to be no escape. Junk sickness is the reverse side of junk kick. The kick of junk is that you have to have it. Junkies… Continue reading junky
hard
Life is hard as usual, but at least there's some lights to it now. That is all.
lost my diary
Just came back from Taipei. Have quite a lot on my mind but couldn't find my diary. So I'm writing it here, although strictly speaking, it's unpublishable. Well, first thing first. I got stood up. Not yet, technically--we are supposed to meet at 1400. But seeing that he has not replied (or even read) any… Continue reading lost my diary
For myself
急躁，煩亂。也許自己一直過得太悠閒，無法真的理解所謂『生活的滋味』。 檢討下來，也沒被封鎖，於是排除第三者干擾。幾個可能性。一，心裡的哪個螺絲斷了，一瞬間覺得不想理。二，實在沒精神力氣。三，我還真想不出來，也許死了或瀕臨死亡吧。 我只能告訴自己，我沒有做錯。 其實收到突然來的訊息，不得不說真是欣喜若狂。倒不是真的那麼想做，只是居然還有這樣的一個人記得我。 這件事如果就這樣不了了之，那又能怎麼樣呢。 不過，果真，是我太閒了吧。 只是我還是想見面啦啦啦。
sorting things out
I think I feel overwhelmed because I haven't really properly sorted things out yet. Not since I came here. I just realised that what I'm interested in doing are most likely not going to become my job. Once you realise this, it's much easier to look for a job. You wouldn't get confused by all… Continue reading sorting things out
Not An Avocado Life 